The lama dream

For my composition class I got to choose anything I wanted to write about for my final project. Being that someday I want to be a psychologist and I want to specialize in dream theory, I chose dream theory as my topic. I am just so fascinated by the mind, the physiological questions we ask- what is life for?- why do we choose to lie, cheat, steal, or love?

While I was in New York I had this incredibly symbolic dream about a lama. So, I know what someone thinks when they hear that... this girls smoking the good stuff... but you are only half right. ;^) Here's how it went.

The whole dream scenario took place at the plastic factory I worked at. Except everything in the rooms were cleared out, nothing but huge empty rooms. And the back doorstep in reality had a staircase maybe four feet up, in the dream it was a long staircase and it was a long way down. Now these huge empty rooms were filled with people I knew, people I didn't know, my friend Rachel, and the lama...

This was a smoking, drinking, party lama. (Gave me new meaning to the term "party animal") I don't know if anyone else remembers the show with lambchop the puppet, but that is the only way I can describe hismessed up face. His fur was a mangy off white color and in general he looked ragged. I found myself staring at him throughout the party wondering why NO ONE cared that he was a lama!? Every time I was looking at him he would shoot looks back at me, and it scared me. His face was the craziest thing, indescribable- unless you are on a bad acid trip looking at lambchop.

It was fun at first. Everyone was drinking, smoking, playing card games (the lama too). I was socializing but for the most part found myself sitting against the back wall, smoking and watching for Rachel. Rachel kept looking over at me with this strange look on her face, each time holding up her index finger saying "I'll be right back" and running off to get in fist fights with everyone at the party! Then she would come back sit with me and tell me she won. I never saw her fight just before and after the fights.

As the lama was playing his cards, cigarette hanging from his blackened lips, his evil glance caught Rachel's eye. She jumped up and started to fight the lama. Only this time I was no longer sitting on the back burner- I was fighting the lama too! This was theatrical fighting at its best. Slow motion cracks to the jaw. Ganging up on the lama with Rachel kicking the thing while it was on the ground. But the Lama didn't go down easy. Not only was this a party lama it was a fighting lama as well. The battle wore on, all three parties growing weary. Finally Rachel glanced over to me, then motion her eyes towards the door. THE STAIRS! I ran and opened the door and Rachel ran for the lama, but the bastard was quick- caught Rachel off guard and threw her to the wall. With Rachel knocked out it was up to me. I stood in the door and faced the evil lama who was readying his charge. I moved ever so gingerly closer to him and like the speed of light turned his charge against him. One swift side step and he tumbled out to the balcony, just escaping a very long fall. The fight was on *theatrics again* but with a left hook , then right, uppercut. In slow motion the lama fell backwards. Down those long steps. As I watched I was swept up in a wave of sadness. I watched him fall to his death yet it saddened me? I backed away and went back to find Rachel and tell her we won, but Rachel was gone. Everyone was. No more party just empty rooms. I sat back where I sat the whole night and lit a cigarette- strangely I was defeated somehow and all alone. That's when I woke up...

There is obvious symbolism here. I have analyzed it over and over in my head and here is what I have come up with. I hated New York I missed everyone that I knew. Rachel was my best friend before I moved to New York so I most likely missed her the most, hence her leading role. My straying towards the wall symbolic of feeling cut off from my surroundings. And the explanation you have all been waiting for.... the lama has to be Jim (the sperm doner). He needed to be cut off from my life and no one could do that but me. The sadness I felt watching him go, the empty rooms. The fear of the look in his eye. All hold symbolism towards the person I hate but cannot resent. This was a perfect example of my sub-conscious mind telling me to run like hell. I was the one who chose to ignore that dream- if I had listened to my sub-conscious (and everyone else) my life may be a very different thing right now. This is what I would like to base my paper on, what is it our sub-conscious is trying to tell us using our dreams? This is the first paper I have written in school that I am really enjoying! I can't wait to explore it further and once I have the final project I will post it here for you all to see!

Thanks to you all for taking the time to read my blog! =^) That's all for now!